Definitely, Maybe in Love Page 25

  “Well, if you’re going for economical, why not a full on electric or natural gas?”

  “Dad said anything but that.” A quiet scoff shook her chest. “So I’m saving up to buy my own. I’ll have enough in a few years. He just doesn’t grip that this country’s in the middle of an environmental crisis. Trip doesn’t get it, either,” she whispered. “You saw what he was driving around in.”

  I nodded, placing the appropriate air of horror on my face.

  “I think maybe his being at Stanford with more conscientious citizens altered him a little—for the good. Did you notice the white and blue receptacles around the ranch? We’re recycling now. Started this summer. It was Trip’s idea. Pretty cool, don’t you think?”

  “Very cool,” I replied. “Impressive, actually, and a little…surprising?” I didn’t mean my last word to come out like a question, but I couldn’t help it. Henry initiating a recycling program?

  Cami’s brown eyes fluttered. She gave me the impression she was a very old soul, wise beyond her years. “I know my brother can act like a big, stupid gorilla sometimes,” she said, “what with his caveman NRA talk, and have you seen his impersonation of Eleanor Roosevelt?”

  I shook my head with a groan.

  “Spot on,” she reported. “It’s an important election year, and he still mocks the system. He’s incorrigible!”

  Behind all her eye rolling and irritation, I could clearly see that Cami adored her brother. I knew for a fact that the feeling was mutual. I couldn’t help myself from thinking Cami’s tone sounded a lot like mine used to when Henry and I met to study. She was aggravated, yet forgiving. Oodles of love on all sides.

  “The Indian blanket hanging on that wall was hand-woven by sweet little Navajo children.” Lilah’s voice came from around the corner.

  I noticed Cami’s posture stiffen. “My friend Mel is here with me,” I said. “She’s a blast. You’ll like her.”

  “Cool.” She exhaled. “Trip’s probably out back at the grill by now. After lunch, can I show you something? I wrote this paper-thing. It’s being published.” She waved a hand in the air like it was no big deal. “But I’d like your opinion.”

  “Sure,” I said. We both turned at Lilah’s voice growing nearer. “Henry’s out back, you say?” I pointed in the other direction. “Can we get to it this way?”

  Cami grabbed my arm and we made our escape.

  Ten minutes later, we all gathered at the veranda. Henry was adjusting the flame on the gas grill, while Dart and Mel sat on either ends of a long porch swing. Lilah had besieged Cami and they were swinging together in an oversized hammock. Lilah was stroking Cami’s dark hair with her spider-leg fingers.

  I wasn’t relaxed enough to actually sit and attempt a normal conversation with anybody, so I wandered over to the food. There was a spread of typical backyard patio picnic cuisine set up under a blue awning. In addition to that, I also noticed three extra bowls off to the side in dishes that didn’t match the rest of the setting, as if they’d been added last minute. Fruit salad, chilled pasta alfredo, and what I knew to be a brick of hard tofu.

  When I looked over at Henry, it seemed as though he’d turned his head away from me just a split second before. He was now staring down at the grill, wearing a familiar smirk.

  The others joined me under the awning. I loaded up my plate with the three bonus items, knowing full well they were only there because I was. I couldn’t help feeling warm and a little glowy inside, enjoying Henry’s attempt at hospitable teasing. I sat on a rocking chair, carefully balancing my plate on my lap.

  “Still no meat?” Dart asked me as he sat at my side, a dripping hamburger in one hand.

  “Eighteen months and counting,” Henry answered as he joined us from behind, grilling tongs in hand.

  “Nineteen,” I corrected.

  Dart set his plate off to the side. “You know, Spring, there’s something I’ve always wanted to talk to you about.”

  “What’s that?” I asked, loading up a fork-full of spiral noodles.

  “The vitamins and proteins in meat are impossible to replicate, and can’t be found in any other foods.”

  I stopped chewing.

  Dart was observing me with caring eyes. “A balanced diet is the healthiest way to live. That includes a little meat sometimes, and a little milk. The idea is moderation.”

  My eyes flicked to Henry, whose expression was frantic as he stared at Dart like he was about to muzzle him.

  “Too much of anything isn’t beneficial,” Dart went on, “and not enough can be just as harmful.”

  A few months back, if anyone had the nerve to say that to me, I would have flown off the handle, quoting plenty of other statistics about how a clean and kind, animal-free lifestyle can add years to your life and better the planet. But I hadn’t become vegetarian for the health benefits. It was political, a statement…like so many other things in my life had become. That was not the point Dart was making now.

  “I know,” I said. “I’ve been reading about that, actually.”

  After I spoke, Henry exhaled and relaxed the tension in his shoulders.

  “Would you like half of mine?” Dart offered hopefully, displaying his plate of meat.

  “Not yet.” I laughed. “But I’ll let you know.”

  Henry leaned against the back of my chair. “In the meantime, there are two portobello burgers on the grill.”

  “Thank you,” I said, feeling touched again. “And anyway”—I turned back to Dart—“someone around here swore he would call me out on Facebook if ever I fall off the wagon.” I gave Henry a look.

  “Me?” He tapped the silver tongs against his shoulder, smiling innocently. “Honeycutt, I think you know how well I can keep a secret.”

  Chapter 33

  “Come in,” Cami sang.

  Her bedroom door swung open and Henry walked in

  Cami and I were stomach down on her bed, sharing one pair of ear buds plugged into her computer.

  “We’re leaving for fireworks in ten,” he said.

  Cami sat up. “Are we going up to the hill? Did you grab the blankets from the shed?” she asked as she slid to a mirror, fingering her hair into a ponytail.

  “Everything’s downstairs. Spring, it cools off at night here. You might need this.” He was trying not to grin as he handed me a purple Los Angeles Lakers sweatshirt.

  I was about to tie it around my waist but Cami grabbed it. “You’re being a Neanderthal again,” she said, then took my arm. “Don’t worry about his gorilla-ness. You’ll sit with me.”

  “Okay,” I replied cheerfully, even though sitting next to Cami, sweet as she was, was not the way I envisioned the evening.

  The rest of the gang was congregated in front of the house. Fourth of July celebrations were in full swing—kids were running around swirling sparklers, and there were designated areas where groups were setting off pinwheels and fountains. Our troop set out to claim a spot to watch the main show.

  Dart and Lilah led the pack as we cut through a field. Cami and I trudged behind them, her arm linked through mine. Henry and Mel brought up the rear.

  “Dart?” Henry called, suddenly right behind us.

  “Yup?”

  “Will you give Cami a hand?” Henry gave her a brotherly wink. “This is a steep hill, and look at your shoes. I can’t take you anywhere.”

  “Bite me,” she snapped, but then examined her flimsy flip-flops covered in dust.

  Henry said something quietly to her in what sounded like German. She immediately dropped my arm and latched onto Dart. That’s also when I noticed that Mel had passed us and was walking beside Lilah. Henry and I were behind the rest, alone, for the first time since seeing each other that morning.

  The flood of emotions that hit me was almost paralyzing. The first thing I honed in on was the last time I’d seen him, storming out of that study room after Alex called my cell.

  My footing stumbled.

  “You okay? Slow down,”
Henry said, catching my arm then letting go. “We have plenty of time.” His steps immediately slowed, setting the pace. After a few minutes, the other four were well ahead of us. No one stopped to wait or even turn around. Mel must have had Lilah handcuffed.

  “I’m sorry that we didn’t get a chance to ride this afternoon,” Henry said as he strolled beside me, hands in his pockets. “We’ve got some nice horses and…” He trailed off and stopped walking.

  The sun hadn’t totally set yet and when I turned to him, he was silhouetted in orange and gold, just like on the back of that brochure. My heart ached.

  “Want to check out the stables?” he asked.

  I gazed up the hill at our friends who were almost out of sight.

  “We’ll catch up with them later.” He was already walking back the way we’d just come.

  Henry pleasantly greeted several people as we passed them. They all knew him as Trip. I wondered if they worked at the ranch or if they were folks from town he’d known his whole life.

  “Cami’s very sweet,” I said as we cut through a different field, nearing a big red barn.

  “She likes you. When I ran up to the house to change this morning, I told her you were here.” He kicked a rock. “I’ve never seen her so excited.”

  “She’s different than what I expected.” Henry glanced at me with a puzzled expression. “But good different, and…your house is really beautiful,” I quickly added, observing the soft yellow glow coming from its porch light.

  Small talk, Spring? You coward.

  “It’s not really my house,” he said, “but thank you.” He unlatched and opened the gate of a wooden fence, allowing me to walk through first. “My great-grandfather would be happy to hear it. He did the renovation—”

  “After the storm of twenty-four. I know all about that.”

  He pulled back a slow smile. “I heard you took a tour this morning. Susanne likes to think of her museum as the nucleus of town. Whatever happens there directly affects the rest of the world. She’s a little protective.”

  We stood under the branch of a tree. Henry was methodically fingering a low hanging branch over his head while I wrapped my hands around a fence post.

  A soft evening breeze was blowing, fluttering the leaves. I took the time to breathe in and out, noticing that the unpleasant odors from earlier in the day were gone. Instead, the thin mountain air smelled of earth and grass and life. I took in another breath, letting it hang in my lungs like I was sampling the bouquet of a fine wine.

  “You love it here, don’t you?” I said. “So peaceful.”

  “It’s my favorite place in all the world, and I’m so glad…”

  “What?” I asked when he didn’t finish.

  He ran a hand through his hair. “I just can’t believe you’re here.”

  My heart was pounding again, whooshing waves of blood behind my ears. I gripped tighter at the post. Henry was leaning against the fence, his unreadable gaze moving back and forth from the ground to the dark mountains.

  I knew very well by what happened in his floury kitchen and beside that campfire at Beacon Rock campground that Henry was a man of action and didn’t ask permission first. Which made me wonder why he hadn’t grabbed me for a kiss yet. Was it because we hadn’t been alone? Or was that no longer what he wanted?

  That’s when I realized if anything important was going to be said or done, I would be the one who had to bring it up, and stick to it until the matter was settled to my satisfaction. The very notion set loose a different swarm of butterflies in my stomach.

  “So, what’s this about showing me your horses?” I asked.

  He was still gazing at the mountains. “That was my red herring.” His mouth moved to smile, but the rest of his face stayed smooth. “I didn’t want to take the chance of not being alone with you, at least for a few minutes.” He took a step back and nudged a fence post with his foot. “I honestly thought after everything that happened, I would never see you again.”

  “I got your letter,” I blurted before I chickened out. “And I want you to know…” I lowered my eyes, concocting the most magnificent and sincere apology the world had ever beheld. Unfortunately, knowing me, my words were also bound to be ensconced in embarrassing, nervous humor, just to break the tension. Typical cynical Spring.

  After one more breath, I forced time and my own heart to slow down, then I opened my mouth and simply said, “Henry, I’m so sorry.”

  I suppose I should’ve kept going, but the words were stuck in my throat, shame and guilt choking me mute. Then tears welled—I didn’t expect that. Every bone in my body longed for him to forgive me for being blind and judgmental, as well as for being a complete imbecile about my own feelings.

  In my heart, I’d forgiven him a million times over.

  “No, you were right.” He pressed his lips together, his expression growing gloomy. “I still cringe when I remember how I behaved that last day in Vancouver. All those things I said and assumed.” He forced his mouth into a smile. “I did actually believe you would come with me, no questions asked. I was horrible, and I apologize.”

  I laughed softly. “You already did, and I was wrong too.”

  He held the back of his neck, an air of frustration about him. “I should’ve asked you about Julia before I did anything,” he said. “And I should’ve told you everything about Parks at the very beginning.” He kicked the fence post. “But I didn’t want it to come out if it didn’t have to.”

  When he looked up at the sky, I noticed how the bottoms of his eyes were a little shiny. I knew his thoughts had flown to his sister. With that simple realization, the feelings in my heart morphed from guilt and shame into compassion and complete adoration for this weekend cowboy bathed in moonlight.

  It was not temporary lust or emotions-run-wild that I was feeling as the booms and sparks of the Twenty-Second Annual Kingston Fireworks Spectacular shot off above our heads. It was calming and grounding and safe, yet I couldn’t keep still a second longer.

  I inhaled, blocking out everything around me but him, and took a step forward. “Knightly,” I whispered. “Every time I think I know what I’m doing, I get knocked sideways.”

  “Ditto,” he said without even the hint of a smile. His forehead was striped with lines of worry and much more gloom than I’d expected. Seeing this, and knowing his stress was my doing, made my heart ache anew. I was prepared to do anything to take that away from him.

  So I reached out and took his face. The touch made a wave of uncontrollable longing crash over my head, which normally would have made me want to run away. But not this time. There were no words I could offer. Words seemed to get me in trouble anyway. Actions were called for now, so I held onto him with everything I had and pushed myself forward, finally ready to face the unknown.

  “Yes?” he whispered, looking surprised.

  I grinned. “Yeah.”

  The most magnificent feeling in the world was Henry’s sweet mouth crashing over mine until neither of us could breathe. His arms wound around me, then slid to the small of my back, pulling me closer. I heard nothing but his breathing—as erratic as mine—and my own heart pounding behind my ears.

  “Spring,” he whispered, looking into my eyes, making my knees shake. “You’re all I’ve thought about for months.”

  I slid my fingers into his hair. “This is all I’ve thought about…” As I crushed my body against his, he exhaled a little groan of shock. I was about to back him up when he spun us around. The next thing I knew, I was atop the split-log railing, looking down at his angel face. After my own quiet gasp, I wrapped my legs around his waist, feeling his strong arms encircle me. The spicy, heady scent coming from the top of his head made me dizzy, and I was thankful his grip was tight enough that I could simply let go.

  Letting myself go with Henry was surprisingly effortless.

  He only had to tilt his chin up for me to kiss him. I tasted the tangy, phantom hint of cranberries on his tongue, and chocolate and swe
etness and love. When I gasped for air, he pressed his mouth to my neck, causing my legs around him to tighten. Spaceships and sky rockets and nuclear explosions shot off inside my head. Henry pulled me off the fence, suspending me against him with his own strength, and I had the sensation of floating on air.

  As we kissed and touched and breathed, I was partially aware that my soul had left my body and was hovering somewhere above our heads. Sometime afterward, I realized I’d been in the throes of what Julia described as that very elusive second kind of kiss.

  “What is that lip gloss, if I may be so bold?”

  By then, the moon was high in the midnight sky as we sat on a small bench behind the stables. The barn blocked our view of the fireworks, but we were shooting off sparks of our own.

  “Was it the same you were wearing…before?” He pulled his face back an inch from mine, leaving my lips vibrating.

  “I don’t remember,” I replied, draping my legs across his lap.

  “I do,” he whispered, butting his forehead against mine. “Pineapple. I haven’t been able to eat one since March. Maybe that’s what made me want to take you to Tahiti.” He chomped his teeth together before coming back to me, one finger tracing over my face, down my neck, then gathering up my hair. “I was partial to the braids. Why the change?”

  “That’s what girls do. We can’t grow a goatee, so we cut our hair.”

  “No, really.” He knew my answer was flippant and, even by the light of the moon, I could see he wanted the truth.

  I squirmed a bit before answering. “I’m done pretending,” I stated, needing to be honest with him. He seemed content, understanding the meaning of this simple answer, and he kissed the tip of my nose, making me feel as if I were glowing on the inside. “I tried to text you,” I said.

  “When?”

  “After I got yours about meeting at the library. I sort of destroyed my phone so I didn’t get the message for three days.”

  Henry lifted his eyes as if realizing something for the first time. “Oh.”

  “My text bounced back.”

  He nodded. “I’ve been unplugged for a while,” he explained. “Shut everything off. I have an old emergency cell that my parents and sister use when they need to reach me and I’m not around a landline.”